


Change

by silvereyedbitch



Category: Coldfire Trilogy - C. S. Friedman
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-28
Updated: 2013-12-28
Packaged: 2018-01-06 12:02:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1106581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silvereyedbitch/pseuds/silvereyedbitch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set right after Damien and Karril have rescued Gerald from his own private hell with the Unnamed. Written from Damien’s point of view. It’s just a sweet, short, little drivel. A companion to it that follows is called Perspective, and it is from Tarrant's POV.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Change

Disclaimer: I don’t own these characters. Blah blah blah. If you don’t know that by now, well then…

Setting/Timing: Set right after Damien and Karril have rescued Gerald from his own private hell with the Unnamed. Written from Damien’s point of view. It’s just a sweet, short, little drivel. Felt in this kind of mood tonight, ya know? Check out my other fic "Perspective" that is the response to this one but from Tarrant's POV instead.

Warning: M/M and that’s pretty much it. No explicitness. Just sweet drivel. LOL!

CHANGE

I felt it welling up in me. The struggle. So familiar…yet so different this time. Help you, again. Rescue you, again. You were gone, and I felt that loss like a pit of despair opening inside of my own soul. What could I do? I was a mortal, not immortal. No powers, no special anything. Just this, this determination not to see you go down this way. I hadn’t yet reached you, and oh, the potential for redemption I saw was as sweet as any drink this world could offer. And then it was gone, swept away by an evil so all-encompassing that no one had ever dared name it. And so it is Unnamed. How could I face this alone? Why would I want to? But I knew…I knew. I would do it, for you. And for all the good I thought that was buried inside you. I know you Gerald Tarrant. You may deny it. You may not want it. But I know you. That bond works both ways, you know.  
I felt the changes too late, and I think you did, too. The lines blurred where they used to be so easily delineated. And then there came that day when you touched me, and I no longer felt the chill as a shock but as a comfort…I knew there was no turning back. But I saw the changes in yourself, too, and I could only hope that the sacrifices of my own spirit would be balanced against what you were gaining. And then this happened because of it…because of me. I am so torn between regret, guilt, and joy. And let me explain that the joy is simply that I now have confirmation that you are changing. The Unnamed would have never bothered with you had there been no danger of you turning. And yet…you’re gone. Taken. Such a horrible way to confirm my highest of hopes!  
I knew I would go after you. I wonder? Did you? Deep in your personal hell and torture, did you ever think I would come for you? I’d like to think you did, but I highly doubt it. You were always very fatalistic, and one might even think a bit self-centered… But the end result was that I came after you. Karril, too. I never could have made it without him. Who would have ever predicted I would be thanking God for the help of a demon? And when we got you back, and we returned to that hotel room where my body had been waiting, and I “woke up”…the sight of you stole everything from me. Beautiful.  
I look in the mirror now, and I see someone else. Who is this man looking back at me? It cannot be me, for as sure as the sun will rise, I cannot be in love with the Hunter. It isn’t possible. No matter the bond we’ve forged, the trials we’ve shared, the battles we’ve fought, the strange friendship we share, the …damn. Give me a minute………………….I looked at your face while you lay there on the couch where we placed you to recover, and I felt something…move…within me. As if the last stone-lined wall of my will fell away while gazing at your face as you lay in repose, still as death. Alive, and yet not. Breathing became an effort against a gravity that was increasing as every second passed. I felt dizzy, and Karril looked at me as if to ask if I was feeling okay. I waved him away and told him to return to his temple. I would watch over you. I will always watch over you…  
When he was gone, I knelt by your side and placed my hand on your chest. So eerie. So fascinating. No rise and fall. Just a slow, permeating chill that creeps up my arm and into my heart. But I welcome it, because it’s you. It’s you. You’re back. I can hardly believe what I have accomplished. And I realized then that the Unnamed didn’t let you go because of the reasons I had thought. It had released you because of the love I felt, feel, even now. Anathema to its being. Love conquers all, or so it has been said. And maybe it’s true. I certainly hope so, because when you wake up…when you wake up and sense this through the bond…trouble.  
Too caught up in the headiness of triumph and newfound feelings, I lean over you to place a light kiss upon your lips. Probably the only one I’ll ever get. And as that contact is made, and a shock of ice shoots through me, I blink open my eyes and find you staring into them. Oh! So clear, they could be made of glacial ice! And they stare right through me into my heart and soul, weighing the findings, probing…and then you close your eyes again as you kiss me back, and I can feel my heart stutter in response. Truly?! You accept this?! But then I am lost in the feel of your cold, smooth lips on mine, and my arms encircle you as yours mimic them.  
After what seems like ages, the kiss ends, and it was perfect. Storybook perfect almost, only I’m not a knight in shining armor, and you’re certainly no princess. But close enough…close enough. You’re looking at me again with those shining orbs, and you whisper, “You came after me.” I look at you, what was once seen as reprehensible and beyond saving now seems so beautiful. I see myself mirrored in those eyes, and I can’t tell what you’re thinking. Maybe that’s for the best… I find my voice after a time, and pull you closer to me to whisper into your golden-brown hair, “Always, Gerald. Never doubt it.”

E/N: Hope y’all enjoyed the sweet little fic. Wasn’t really aiming for anything but fluff tonight. Toodles!


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